A Little of Everything

A bit has been happening around here, lately.

I have had several interviews and I am still waiting to hear back from all of them. But because it's been so long, I am in serious doubt that I have been considered for any of them. Except maybe The Banfield Pet Hospital. But that's only because the interview was only last week, and I am supposed to hear something by the end of the week. Even Best Buy didn't call me back. Seriously, this is not the best thing for my self esteem. But I am looking. I am applying for at least 10-15 jobs a day. That's all I am able to find that I am qualified for or could even do without immediate burnout or hurting myself in some way.

I brought Mario in for his shots and his teeth cleaning. Poor little dude is such a trooper. He only has seven teeth left now, and he had a cavity that went all the way up to his nasal passage. This was last week – he ate a hard cookie for the first time since then today. He still licks his Greenies like they are lollipops and then looks at me with the saddest eyes. When I brought him home, he was pretty out of it and we went to take a nap and poor little guy bled all over our bed. And then all over his blanket. I went to pick up a prescription and they gave him hard cookies. He tried so hard to eat them and ended up cutting up his poor little mouth. On Tuesday, he suddenly has a really short but 4 times as intense seizure, accompanied by a fever. I called the vet and she said to bring him in immediately. By the time we got there, he was fine, just a little tired. He had been having seizures about once every month and a half for a couple of years – this was his first one in at least 4 months. The vet thinks it was because of all the stress of his surgery. By Wednesday, he was doing much better, and already, he is all normal with his energy levels and sleep schedule. We took him in to get some more shots today, and the vet said he looked fantastic, he's healing up quite nicely. We are really thankful that is ok, and doing so well. He's so brave and such a good dog. We are so proud of him.

On Thursday of last week, I finally got in to see the Endocrinologist. This is basically the doctor that specializes in Diabetes care, and the Endocrine system. This was a first appointment to analyze what needs to be done and taken care of. We talked for a while and I answered a bunch of questions. Some of it related to my fertility and my diabetes as well as my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. She did some checking with my internal organs, and checked to make sure I could feel things in my extremities. She also felt around my thyroid. It seems that there is a few lumps or bumps on my thyroid. I go in on this Thursday for an ultrasound on that. She didn't seem concerned about that, but then again, I think they hide if there is panic about anything because they don't want us to worry. She also put in for a referral with a nutritionist to talk about my diet and what I should be doing. She discussed exercise with me and said I should be doing about an hour a day with the Wii Fit. And that there is a possibility that I may go on fast acting insulin, as well as the Lantus – which is a once a day, slow release. We also talked about the Fosamax that I was prescribed for my Osteopenia. She said that it has not been tested for long term effects on women younger that menopausal age, still in childbearing years. It stays in your bones for many years, and could potentially harm any baby I could get pregnant with. So, she asked me to stop taking it. Luckily, I have only taken it for two weeks (One tab a week). She did a blood test and again, I got to pee in a cup. The blood test, among other things was my A1C. I don't know the results, but I was told they would call me if there was a problem, otherwise within two weeks, I would get my results in the mail. I made another appointment to see her in January.

Sans went in to the eye doctor again, she said he is doing fantastic with his eye therapy and after the next appointment, he should be done. He is getting better at focusing and doesn't get headaches from reading anymore.

Today, I realized it had been a month since I went in for my blood test for the fertility doctor and hadn't heard anything back, yet. So I gave them a call. A nurse called me back with the results. I think she thought I had more information than I did, because almost the first thing out of her mouth was, “Well at this point, we recommend donor eggs.” She said it was probably not what I wanted to hear, and she was right. So I had to ask all kinds of questions, which made her realize that I had no idea what was going on. It turns out that my FSH levels were way too high at the point in my cycle that the test was done. I have bad eggs. I told her that we weren't planning on having kids for a year or two and she said that I can try the tests again then, but chances are, nothing will have changed. I am not perimenopausal. She advised against not using birth control at this time, just in case something should go awry, so they prescribed the pill for me. She said there could be terrible problems with the baby if I should get pregnant now.

How do I feel about this? It's been on my mind all day and has made me very sad. Yes, there is hope, I can do something else – adoption, the egg donor thing, etc. But right now, I feel so betrayed by my body, yet again, that I just feel sad. I don't want to talk to anyone, I just want to feel sorry for myself for a minute. This is one of the top three things that I wanted in my life – to have my own children, my genes, out of my body. We had been picking names, planning a kids room, and working so hard on my health so it would work. It just breaks my heart. I always wanted to know what OUR kids would look like – would they have his eyes, my mouth, my dad's nose and his mom's hair? What aspects of their personalities would they have? It just kills me that this may never be known. I know that there are other things I can do, please don't tell me about the hope for the future. I'm sorry, I just need to get through this, and then I can move on. For now, Mario will have to be an only child.

On the green front – we are doing pretty well. We have changed out almost all the lightbulbs in the house. We got a low flow shower head, and finally switched all of our cleaners to enviro friendly, whether I made them or had to buy them. We have been “insulating” the house with curtains – they aren't quite done, but we will get there before it gets too cold. We have been slowly switching to organic food. My grandma gave me her sewing machine, and I have already been hard at work trying it out making blankets and getting ready to make more curtains and napkins, and maybe even some clothes for Mario. My mom and her boyfriend bought us a hutch for our dining room that was in mom's antique store. It's not a valuable antique, so we are going to prime it, and paint it red, distressing it with black. We'll change out all the hardware and add some lights and some shelving. We are really excited about it. I have so many projects that I want to get started on. It's very fun and exciting.

I got Sans a barbecue/smoker/fryer for his birthday. It was too big to side, so now it's all put together and out on the balcony. I will go pick up some salmon tomorrow so we can smoke it. He is pretty excited about that. I have almost finished my Christmas shopping. Got everyone some great gifts, just have to mail them out to everyone. We have our Christmas cards and I just have to figure out everyone's addresses, address them and send them out! I have been cooking up a storm and freezing everything for fast dinners in the winter. So far, just about everything has turned out fabulously.

I guess that's it for now. Sorry about the sad stuff. I will update when I get the results of the biopsy and the A1C. Thanks for your support – now here are some pictures.

This is the second blanket I made.

The Third blanket I made.

The fabric I am using for the bedroom curtains

The fabric I am using for the curtains in the office

This is our new hutch - before I do all the work on it.

Top - I will be changing out the knob and putting lights on the ceiling part inside

The bottom - I will be changing out the drawer pulls and the rings on the side cabinets

I will be putting shelves in these side cabinets

Sans' new barbecue - covered.